Tuesday, April 7, 2026

The Sunshine Shoals Gazette

"All the News That's Fit to Regret" — Est. 1987 — Sunshine Shoals, Florida
Sunshine Shoals, Florida Vol. XXXIX · No. 97 Price: Free (Stolen copies extra)
BREAKING:
Sunshine Shoals Man Arrested For Teaching Gators To Open Car Doors Local Strip Mall Now 40% Bail Bonds Shops, Mayor Calls It Economic Growth Hurricane Season Prep: Residents Line Up For Last Case Of Beer At Publix Stolen Airboat Found In Wendy's Drive-Through, Engine Still Running City Budget Shortfall Blamed On Missing Funds, Missing Accountant, And Missing Accountant's Boat Python Removal Hotline Accidentally Connected To Pizza Delivery For Three Weeks, Nobody Noticed Retired Con Artist Wins Citizen Of The Year Award, Acceptance Speech Under Investigation New Condo Development Promises Ocean Views, Built Six Miles Inland Local Man's Insurance Claim For Gator Damage Denied After Gator Provides Alibi Tourist Trap Gift Shop Achieves New Record: Zero Accurate Florida Facts Per Square Foot

Florida Man Uncle Jimbo Successfully Completes Midnight Boat Transfer Without Incident, Earns $928

Uncle Jimbo Rodriguez discovered that his job as a night security guard at Pelican Palms Retirement Community came with an unexpected bonus: residents frequently misplaced valuable jewelry during late-night dementia wanderings. By carefully collecting and reselling these "lost" items through a pawn shop in Boca Raton, he netted $928 $3,700 per month without anyone suspecting a thing.

Uncle Jimbo 47m ago