Tuesday, April 7, 2026

The Sunshine Shoals Gazette

"All the News That's Fit to Regret"

Florida Man Ratboy Rick Extracts Spanish Colonial Relic From Swamp, Black Market Price $2,469

Ratboy Rick Martinez cornered the market on "emergency iguana removal" in southwest Sunshine Shoals, charging wealthy homeowners $2,469 to chase away reptiles that were either plastic decorations or completely harmless. His uniform, consisting of khaki shorts and a shirt with numerous unnecessary pockets, lent him an air of zoological authority.