Tuesday, April 7, 2026

The Sunshine Shoals Gazette

"All the News That's Fit to Regret"

Meth-Fueled Burglar Accidentally Steals Own Stolen Airboat During Late-Night Crime Spree

Bradenton petty criminal Jimmy "Skates" Rodriguez accidentally stole back an airboat he had previously stolen from a local marina, creating a bizarre circular theft that left local law enforcement bewildered. Rodriguez was found passed out on the airboat, which was inexplicably decorated with stolen garden gnomes and a half-eaten bucket of fried chicken.